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  1. #1
    Sep 2013
    Karachi
    36

    rose "Waleed Aur Maha"

    ****************Introduction*****************

    Waleed aur Maha,mera pehli tehreer,aik farzi kahani hai.is kahani ka kisi ki zindagi se koi link nahi hai.is ke kerdar
    (Characters) farzi hain,kisi ka kisi ke saath koi relation nahi hai.ye kahani,is ke characters,is ke dialouges
    meri takhleeq hain.
    baqaida likhna kab shuru kiya,yaad nahi,alba'ta jab mai ne shairi kerni choori,tab zehan mein is ki kahani
    banti gayi,to soocha kyon na issey zehan mein hi mehfooz rakhney ke bajaye,kagaz pe mehfooz ker liya jaye.
    to mai ne issey baqaida tehreeri shakal de di.
    sab se pehla masla,jo aksar shuru shuru mein likhney walon ko hota hai,woh hai naam,title novel ka.to bhut
    soochney ke baad mai ne Waleed aur Maha ka title select kiya.
    is ke baad characters ke naam.is mein jitney bhi characters hain,un ke naam sab farzi hain aur merey
    pasandeeda hain,is mein koi mushkil nahi howi mujhay.
    phir is ke dialouges.kahin kahin pe dialouges likhtey howey,meri ankhon mein bhi ansoo aa gay thay,to dil
    aur mood thora upset hojata tha,to likhna chor deti thi,thora relax hoti phir likhna shuru kerti.
    bhut kam characters hain,to aap sab ko perhney bhi easy rehay ga.
    is mein,mohabbat hai,rishtey hain,nafrat hai,romance hai,love hai.
    aap sab perhye aur comments dijye,tareef kijye,tanqeed kijye aur perhney ke baad jo dil mein pehli baat aay
    woh bataye.
    kyon ke aap sab ki tareef,tanqeed aur comments se hi mujhay andaza hoga keh mai ne kiya likha hai aur mujhay
    aur behter kis terha kerna hai.
    aik saath post nahi ker sakhti,is liye roz thora thora ker ke continue karoon gi,taakey ye bhi andaza hota jaye
    keh kon intrest le raha hai,taakey mujhay mazeed likhney mein aur is ka end kerney mein asaani ho(is ka end abhi
    nahi likha hai)aur saath saath jo aap sab comments ya reply kerain gay to acha bhi lagay ga.

    aap ke comments,tareef aur tanqeed ka intezar rehay ga.perhye aur batatey jaye kaisa lag raha hai.

    Waleed aur Maha.



    ********************Waleed aur Maha************
    Humaisha ki terha woh kitchen mein kaam mein masroof thi,keh usay apna naam sunayi diya,
    woh bahar janey lagi per ruk gayi keh usay Tayi ji ke bhut wazeh alfaaz sunayi diye,
    "Poocho ja ke us se,keh mera beta kahan hai,jab se ye dono bhai behan is ghar mein aay hain,
    tab se kuch na kuch ghalat ho raha hai"
    "Amma, Faraz ko kyon keh rahi hain"
    "Aray wah ,usay kyon na kahoon,tumhara mangetar hai to kiya howa,kahin ka maharaja nahi hai,tumharay
    baap ke hi paisey luta raha hai"
    "Amma,ahista bolein chaand sunn legi"
    "Mai nahi darti,sunti hai to sunn le,mera ghar hai ye,aur jao ja ke us se poocho,keh mera beta kahan
    hai"
    "aap to aisey keh rahi hain,jaisey chaand ne aap ke betay ko agwah ker liya hai aur mai ja ke poochon
    keh batao meray bhai ko kahan chupaa rakha hai"
    woh jo apney ansoo rokney ki nakaam koshish ker rahi thi,ye sunn ke us ke chehrey pe muskurahat aagayi
    "ye lerki kabhi nahi sudhrey gi"
    *******************************************
    Kabhi iss ghar kabhi uss ghar,ye dono bhai behan derbadar hotey rehay.Maha Inter ker rahi thi,jab ma,baap
    ka saath choot gaya.Faraz us waqt matric mein tha.Maha ne apni taleem chor di,aur aik school mein
    perhanay lagi.Tankhwa kam thi,lekin us ki majboori thi keh aaj kal graduate ko job nahi milti ye to
    phir bhi matric pass thi,ganeemat tha keh job mil gayi,keh usay Faraz ko perhana tha,us ki khwashish ko poora
    kerna tha,woh aik bhut acha doctor ban'na chahta tha,aur ye tabhi mumkin tha keh maha apni khwashishon ko daba
    ke apney bhai ki khwashishon ko poora karey.Us ne faraz ko kisi cheez ki kami mehsoos nahi honey di.usay
    ma,baap,behan aur aik achay dost ka payar diya.Zindagi isi terha guzer rahi thi keh aik din
    Taya ji,nani ke ghar undono ko leney aye,apney saath,apney ghar le jaaney ke liye.Taya ji keh do bachay,
    bara beta waleed aur beti seema.seema se maha ki dosti jald hi hogayi,per waleed sirf apney kaam se kaam rakhta,
    usay koi garz nahi,kon aa raha hai,kon ja raha hai,ghar mein kiya ho raha hai,kiya nahi.faraz aur seema
    ghulmil gaye aur in dono ki nok jhonk,poorey ghar mein zindagi bakhair deti hai.

    *************************************************************

    Phir aik din,khaney ki maiz pe Taya ji ne apna faisla sunaya.
    "aaj se aik haftey baad faraz aur seema ki mangni hai aur..."
    "per baba..."
    Maha,meri baat abhi khatam nahi howi"
    "sorry baba."
    "mai keh raha tha ,faraz aur seema ki mangni ke do din baad waleed aur maha ki mangni hai..."
    usi waqt waleed gussay se uth ke jaaney lagta hai
    "baith jao waleed,meri poori baat sunn lo"
    "Mera ye faisla atal hai,aur is faisley mein mai ne kisi ko shamil nahi kiya hai,isi liye,ager..."
    "ji ji,aap kyon shamil kerney lagay apney faisley mein kisi ko,meri koi haisiyat hi nahi hai,jab se ye dono is ghar mein aaye hain
    aap ne kisi ka bhi sun'na chor diya hai,per meri bhi aik baat sunn lein faraz aur seema ka rishta mujhay manzoor hai lekin ye,mai isey
    apney ghar ki bahoo nahi banao gi,ager aap apney faisley pe atal hain to mera faisla bhi.."
    Tayi ji,ko apney shohar ka faisla pasand nahi aya,aik to unho ne kisi se mashwara nahi liya aur dosra woh maha ko kisi bhi soorat
    apni bahoo nahi bana'na chahtin,isi liye unho ne,apney shohar aslam ki baat khater mein laye bagair apna faisla suna diya,lekin Taya ji
    ye sab sunn ke gussay mein aa gay
    "bas rukhsana...."
    woh itni zor se dharey keh tayi ji to tayi ji,maiz pe baithay,sarey nafoos ko bhi saanp soongh gaya.
    "maira ye faisla atal hai,ager mairey is faisley pe kisi ko aiteraz hai to woh abhi aur isi waqt ye ghar chor ke ja sakhta hai"
    taya ji apna faisla sunna ke chaley jatey hain,isi terha waleed faraz aur seema bhi,lekin,maha apni jagah sun si baithi reh gayi aur yehi kaifyat tayi ji ki bhi thi.us ne pheli baar baba ko itney gussay mein dekha,aur woh ye samjhney se kasir hai keh unho ne ye faisla kyon
    kiya,woh bhi ghar ke kisi fard se bagair poochay.woh din aur aaj ka din,tayi ji ne kabhi pyar se baat kerna to door ki baat,kabhi maha ko
    seema ki terha nahi samjha.
    faraz shuru se hi seema se mohbaat kerta tha,per maha na jaan saki,aur baba ne faisla bhi ker diya.woh dono khush thay.aur us din ke
    baad se maha ke dil mein waleed ke liye aik khaas jaga ban gayi,ye jaaney bagair keh waleed ke dil mein us ke liye siwaye nafrat ke
    aur kuch bhi nahi,woh usay nazer bhar ke dekhna to door ki baat is ghar mein us ka wajood bardasht nahi ker sakhta,lekin woh ye sab
    waleed ki mohbaat samjhti rahi,jo sirf aur sirf uski nafrat hai.
    aur aaj jab woh us ke kamrey mein nashta deney gayi,to us ne gussay mein tray phaink di aur office ke liye chala gaya,aab raat hogayi per waleed abhi tak ghar nahi aya,jo giyara bajey tak aa jaya kerta tha,us ne aik baja diye,isi liye tayi ji ke tanz-o-taaney ki zad mein woh thi.
    seema ko ander aatey dekh ke woh apney kaam mein masroof hogayi.
    "kiya howa?"
    "idher dekho zara,ye ghar dekha hai?"
    "hmm dekha hai kyon?"
    "ye na hi haweli numa hai aur na hi mehal jo aap ko sehan mein kharey do logon ki guftugu sunayi na de,aur suno,zara apni shakal to dikhao"
    "haan bolo"
    "royi ho tum??''
    "nahi seema aisa kuch nahi hai."
    "iam sorry yaar amma kabhi kabhi"
    "seema kiya hogaya hai,mai ne kaha na kuch nahi howa,aur woh ma hain.amma humari bhalayi ke liye hi kehti hain,jo kehti hain"
    "bhalayi!!!!ye khana banaya hai,na namak hai na mirch,bibi ager khana bana'na nahi ata to kitchen ka rukh kerney ki zaroorat nahi,
    aab ye sara khana phainkney mein jaye ga,bhalayi!!!! mujhay batao tum is mein tumhay kahan se bhalayi nazer aati hai?"
    "seema,jaisa bhi hai,woh mujhay jo bhi kehti hain,per pait bhar ke khana to kha leti hain na,bhooka to nahi soteen"
    "tum!!!!!!!!uffff!!!khudaya,mera ji kerta hai,tumhay jaan se maar doon"
    maha apni muskurahat chuppa ke us se kehti hai
    "to maar do na,acha hai jaan chootey gi sab ki"
    "Chaand,baako mat,jao mai nahi bolti"
    "aray,aray,acha mai nahi kehti kuch,please maan jao warna faraz mujh se kehay ga,aisa kiya kaha hai aap ne meri jaan se jo,
    woh naraz hogayi hai"
    "Chaand!!!!"
    "oye hoye,kiya baat hai,merey samney to sharam aa gayi tumhay,us ke naam pe,aur jab woh ata hai to barey da'ant nikaltey hain,
    us ke samney sharam kahan chali jati hai"
    "chooley mein"
    "batameez na ho to"
    dono aisey hi hansi mazak ker rehay thay keh seema ne ik dum se poocha.
    "Chaand,subah kiya howa tha?"
    ****************To be continued************

  2. #2
    Mahn00r's Avatar
    !! ~~ VIP ~~ !!
    Dec 2010
    UAE
    5,273
    Boht Khubsurat Tahreer hai ...

    Boht rawani se assan lafzon main likha hai ap ne k her manzar waziyah ho raha hai ... Acha laga parh k .. kafi dilchasp kahani hai ...

    baqi kahni ka intazar rahayga..

    Thanks for Sharing ... Khush rahain ...


    O our Lord! Cover (us) with Thy Forgiveness - me, my parents, and (all) Believers, on the Day that the Reckoning will be established!

  3. #3
    Zaini's Avatar
    Senior Member
    Aug 2013
    248
    ​Very nyc g......

  4. #4
    Dec 2010
    SpAIN
    11,277
    Zbrdst Janab Bohat Achi Shrng Ki Hai Aaap Ny .. Baki Ka Bhi Share Kar Deti Bohat Khubsorti Sy Sb Likha Hai Aap Ny Aur Bohat Acha Laga Read Kr K Ab Baki Kab Share Karo Gyi Intezar Rahe Ga Thanx For BeautiFul Shrng ..!! Allah Aap Ko Bohat Kamiyabiyan Dy Ameen Khush Rahoo Gud Luck ..!!
    ​




  5. #5
    Dec 2010
    SpAIN
    11,277
    Aur Haan Sry Vo Ghalti Sy Dislike Per Click Ho Gaya Me Like Karna Cha Rahi Thi AiK Tou Samhj Nahi Aata Karoo Kuch Ho Kuch Jata Hai Sryyy
    ​




  6. #6
    Nov 2010
    USA
    3,447
    zaberdast hey janab... wesey maineya aj tak novel parha nahi kion k sach bataoun tu itney lambey hotey hain k parah parah k thak jaye banda hahaha anyways it's really nice n best part is k kafi clear likha hai in simple lango ... aap ki apni tehreer hey wahhh kia baat hai means aap writer hain nice. Please do share next part soon with us so zayada wait b na kerna parey aur na hi essa ho k loug peechla part bhol jaye k kia howa tha.

    Anyways intazar rahey ga next part ka.

    Thanks for sharing


    Ƭσʋт ƨα ɢαʏα нαι мɛяι cнαнαтσи κα ωαʝσσ∂

    Aαв κσι αcнα внι ℓαɢɛʏ тʋ нʋм ιʓнαя иαнι κɛятɛ

  7. #7
    Sep 2013
    Karachi
    36
    Boht Khubsurat Tahreer hai ...

    Boht rawani se assan lafzon main likha hai ap ne k her manzar waziyah ho raha hai ... Acha laga parh k .. kafi dilchasp kahani hai ...

    baqi kahni ka intazar rahayga..

    Thanks for Sharing ... Khush rahain ...
    Thank You Mahnoor

  8. #8
    Sep 2013
    Karachi
    36
    ​Very nyc g......
    Thank You Zaini

  9. #9
    Sep 2013
    Karachi
    36
    Zbrdst Janab Bohat Achi Shrng Ki Hai Aaap Ny .. Baki Ka Bhi Share Kar Deti Bohat Khubsorti Sy Sb Likha Hai Aap Ny Aur Bohat Acha Laga Read Kr K Ab Baki Kab Share Karo Gyi Intezar Rahe Ga Thanx For BeautiFul Shrng ..!! Allah Aap Ko Bohat Kamiyabiyan Dy Ameen Khush Rahoo Gud Luck ..!!
    Thank You

    Ameen

  10. #10
    Sep 2013
    Karachi
    36
    Aur Haan Sry Vo Ghalti Sy Dislike Per Click Ho Gaya Me Like Karna Cha Rahi Thi AiK Tou Samhj Nahi Aata Karoo Kuch Ho Kuch Jata Hai Sryyy
    Koi baat nahi

 

 
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